I am one of those parents, who love their children beyond anything, BUT can not wait for them to go to school! I know, bad isn't it? Let me explain why.........
When R was growing up, I loved the fact I was there to help him, guide him and be there for every first but as he grew older and no longer needed me as much; he needed other kids his age, I knew I needed to let go.
The same is happening for H, although I'm less keen to let go due to the fact he's my last child. As a complex needs child grows, some need more and more help to achieve integration into today's society. Ones like our R need to learn how to pull themselves back to intergrate into society. Schools are just that environment in which to teach and show them these skills - be that main stream or a special school.
I do not use the term special school to be offensive, but to point out the difference between the 2 types of schooling available to complex needs kiddos. When my boys are at preschool and primary school (yes R attends mainstream), I feel a sense of relief. I do feel bad about that fact, but a fact it's all the same.
Relief because for at least 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, I get that break from them as does hubby when he attends work. I know as parents we shouldn't feel like we need that break from our children but complex needs kiddos are full on. Be they like R and very touchy, active and wanting constant attention or be they like the stereotype of withdrawn, shy and avoidant of touch. They all need our full 100% attention to either calm or to be active; add to that younger siblings who are neuro-typical? Well you try to spilt yourself give each child 100% of your attention at the same time - can't do it can you?
Don't worry, neither can I. We try, oh my goodness do we try, and sometimes we can, as a couple, achieve some semblance of this impossible task. We have a day once a month, when pennies allow that is, where we each have a child and for that day it's just me and R or me and H. They decide what we are doing for that day. I love those days.
But on school days? Phew those few little hours they are home - pure hell! Well it was before hbby stepped up and does the morning routine (thanks to my health deteriorating), and after school? Well R get half hour on either his iPad or Xbox game, never both. He loves it because that becomes his time to wind down from school in a way that means H gets some one on one time without having half a mummy or daddy (the other is playing with R).
Then comes the hell of tea time. You wouldn't think this would be an issue, but it is. R won't eat meat, not a bad thing this but then he won't eat vegetarian food either, or jacket potatoes that are soft and fluffy inside as they feel like mash to him (which he hates). So are go to foods for him are any fish product and chips. Now comes the fun bit - H wants to be like his big brother! So he the same food, although he will try our food as well. They both get a ton of vegetables as well mind you, and H loves his fruit!
After tea, meltdowns happen over bedtime. R doesn't want to go to bed, H bounces off his brother despite being knackered which results in both boys crying! Sigh another night happens. What do you do?!
Well for us bedtime routine works wonders. No not a bath, story and bed but yoga, star lights and adele music. Yup you read that right! The boys do warrior 2, tree, chair, downward dog and zen, or to them surfer, tree, ski, dog and owl. They are calm and easily led to bed where they are tucked in with their star cube lights on and adele's album 25 on as background music. Now R sometimes sleeps on his matteress, and sometimes on his floor - we have learnt to just go with the flow.
Always remember that despite how much a complex needs kiddo frustrates us, angers us, makes us laugh, makes us cry and the other thousands of things they do - they are still just,I've us, they just need to use a different path to get to the same destination.
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