Routine or not to routine?

That big question every parent dreads - do you put a strict routine in place or not? And if you do what age and how strict?

We, personally, started very early with a basic loose routine from day one - things like bedtimes, meal times and sleeping in their own rooms. Not all parents like this style but I'm a firm believer in everyone follows their own road and try to never judge another parent for their style - I expect the same back.

As the boys have grown we have implemented more routines like tidying up after themselves and eating at the table (whenever possible that is - everyone loves carpet picnics lol). The only problem we have encountered with routines is R. Yup, I put him as a problem here, that's because R thrives on routine and an extremely strict one at that; mess with that and holy moly meltdown it gets bad!

As a parent, a routine as strict as R needs was never on the cards, and now, for me personally, a near impossibility. We try, for him, to keep up with it but have started to loosen it off for him. Ok that sounds so easy right there - it's not!

Firstly, we have to explain every single detail of the whys, the what's and the how's to each reasoning. Secondly, we have to do it s....l.....o......w.......l......y - so slow it sometimes feels like nothing is changing. Then comes the day, finally after copious amounts of tears (them just from me!) and meltdowns, he just accepts bedtime yoga (or anything else for that matter) can't always be done downstairs in the living room, even done at all some nights.

It's painfully slow to adjust routines once they are in place, especially when those routines are bad habits - eating out most nights or eating on your lap more than the table. So the question still stands - Do you put a routine in place or not?

That question is only for you, as a parent or carer, can answer and sometimes it's trial by fire with them until you and your complex needs kiddo find that balance. Personally, in this household, we will keep persevering with routines, even if they need adapting often.