Sensory overload.....

Also known as meltdowns, sensory overloads are never pretty and never logical to us parents. Anything can set them off from clothing to someone talking a bit too loud. Sounds unreal and unattainable right? It did to us before R had his first meltdown.

To be honest I truly thought it was just your stereotypical toddler tantrum over having to wear clothes (H does this even now at 3) but after talking to various doctors, spanning at least 3 counties, and to friends who have kiddos like R; it became clear that these were not your normal tantrums.

Now most parents, if your lucky, experience tantrums throughout their child's life (no matter the age) they just know how to actually get the best results the older they get. These tantrums, from experiencing H, normally involve the odd toy thrown across the room or even sitting on the ground screaming blue murder because he was told no. Some kiddos even kick and hit in public arenas when presented with the term NO.

Sensory overload or meltdown is so similar yet also extremely different. The triggers aren't always the same as a tantrum, although R has felt being told no to be too much on top of everything else. For us, a meltdown in R is a full body experience - crying, rocking, spinning, jumping, screaming, kicking, hitting and on occasion biting. During these meltdowns, we have found the best thing to do is stay CALM and turn sounds down (or off) and stay back. Getting angry with him just makes it all worse, so I am sometimes found walking away from him - is this right? Not always but I always make sure he is safe, that his dad is with him (he's the calmest one of us) and I know that I'm angry at the fact I'm helpless to help him, he doesn't need that feeling from me.

Imagine your 7 year old is as tall as a 12 year old, as flexible as a rubber band and has the strength of an 18 year old. They have complex needs, of which sensory processing disorder is one - the trigger this time is that the sun is too high in the sky and his brother is in his space. What do you do?

Well we close the curtain so he can't see the sun and explain his little brother is on the other side of the room. Works right? NOPE he goes into full on meltdown mode, so you remove little brother so he's safe, sit down so you are supported by a wall or sofa, grab the child and plonk them on your lap. Now the hard bit here is keeping him there - you try holding his arms across his body, you even try lying down with you legs over his legs to stop the kicking but he uses his head and it's like riding a rodeo bronco (or at least what you assume it's like).

Fast forward an hour and the meltdown is still going on, you have tried everything the parenting course suggested, you have implemented Pinterest ideas and even resorted to removing privileges. What's left to do?

In our experience, nothing! Each persons meltdown is different and individual to them, so bear in mind so tactics help some where it's doesn't for others. R is one of those kiddos where the triggers are NEVER the same thing, so an avoidance plan can not be used. We have a thinking chair - yup it's as hippy as its sounds lol but it's works for us.

The thinking chair used to be called the naughty chair until Blues Clues found its way into our house. We have a sand timer which had sections for 3 minutes, 5 minutes and 7 minutes which we pint to the colour sand that indicates how long both R and H have sat on the chair to THINK about what has just happened. For H it's to think about his behaviour and how its wasn't the best choice to make. For R it's a place to think about how he feels, what made him feel that way and how his behaviour due to this wasn't the best choice.

Do we expect too much from our sons? Maybe we do in some ways but as I have found out over the years - shouting and yelling achieves not a lot. We let the meltdowns R experience run their course, even in public (although we do move it to the car) and then once he has calmed, we ask him to sit on the thinking chair to think about what has happened and how it affects him and everyone around him.

It sounds so very easy doesn't it? It's not, nor has it ever been. Every strategy we have found, tired and failed at, we did with no support for. Professionals or education.

So today's post, is about understanding that what can seem to be a tantrum may actually be a meltdown or sensory overload; the reverse is true as well. Many times R has tried to make out a basic tantrum is a sensory meltdown (he's a smart cookie)